Imagine a world without i-phones.
Imagine we lost our i-phones.
Imagine a world in which the President of the United States of America lost his i-phone.
Such a state of affairs might easily be.
Just imagine the President decided last week to cosy up to the Jews.
Such a thing might easily be: the previous week it was the anti-Semites.
So the Pres attends a Rosh Hashanah meal.
At that meal everyone is given a slice of apple.
All hold the apple in their hand and dip the apple in honey.
All intone: ‘may it be your will that you renew unto us a good year and a sweet one.’
The Pres watches and follows suit. The honey pot passes to him and he dips his Apple well and truly in the honey.
As is the wont of the incumbent of the White House he decides then to send off a tweet. Just as he did after meeting the Saudi king, declaring he had overcome Islamist terrorism, he now purposes to tell the world he’s given the Jews a good and sweet year.
But the thing with Apple is their device no longer works after a honey dipping.
The Apple Warranty states explicitly: ‘Apple Corp offers no warrant of service if the device be dipped into any fluid extruded from the rear of a bee.’
In the untweeting silence America is lost. For her
president cannot tweet.
The Pres finds himself impotent to provoke North Korea.
The Pres cannot encourage racists.
He cannot insult patriots.
He cannot communicate ill will.
He is powerless to wedge.
He cannot wage war against the climate of our planet.
The President remains, of course, incapable of coherent argument; and incapable sustaining any argument longer than 40 abusive characters.
A world in which our President presides without his i-phone is a different world.
It is a better world in which we can look forward to a good and a sweet year.
Oh, if only!
I beat good news Yvonne
News of days to come
The spirit of prophecy came upon me
And I saw a vision
(And I wrote a tautology)
And in my vision the internet passed away
For all things pass
All things pass away
And with the passing of the World Wide Web
Twitter will fall silent
And all we shall hear of twittering shall be the song of innocence, the singing of birds
One can only hope.